Untangling Megan

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You don’t own me

on September 03, 2024

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Candlelight, Heartbeats, and the Anger that Bubbles up Underneath

I light the incense and the first scent that hits my nose is the zing of lemongrass. A pause. A deep breath in, then out. Another pause. Next the candle. Press the spark wheel, hear the click, light the wick. The murmured prayer, both a continuation and an abandonment to my old traditions, as now I pray to myself. In the flicker of the flame, darkness and shadows are highlighted, and I consider all that I keep hidden in the safe ventricles of my heart. Lub-dub. Bisexual. Lub-dub. Agnostic. Lub-dub. Democrat. Lub-dub. On and on with each beat, another s...

Quotes from books that messed me up

From "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. I read this while a fresh and clean baby Christian -age approximately 17. 90s Purity culture was for all the serious Christian teens out there. And it seriously messed me up. I thought these were words of wisdom. I thought that by agonizing over normal teenaged hormones, I was somehow better than my counterparts: wiser, godlier. I thought it would make God love me more if I hated myself for every errant thought that crossed my mind. And as Ms. Elliot said - that somehow all this self-hate and internal agony was going to make my life better. Instead, it left me with a healthy dose of religious trauma and CPTSD.

And then Sappho spoke

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